Keeping the post short and sweet for September (and just a touch early) to hit on some tips for the upcoming transition back to school:
1. Routine
This tip likely isn’t new, but it is an important one. Routines surrounding school help everyone. Having a set routine helps to take the question out of what happens next; kids know what to expect and typically are comforted by that. Easing into that routine in the days leading up to the first day of school can help soften the transition.
Avoid rushed mornings by getting as much ready the night before. Consider a set menu of breakfast options that are parent approved to make breakfast easier in the morning.
Make a list and check it twice (younger kids often do well with a visual schedule with pictures, older kids and teens may enjoy an electronic checklist). On the list you can assign responsibility, which may help kids and teenagers be and feel involved. The list will look different depending on the age of your school goer, with some increasing responsibility as they develop.
Don’t forget the good old fashioned “when/then” tip for school mornings: when the tasks on the list are done, then you can play/relax (if there are minutes left before that very early school bus comes).
Identify the essential items. What are the tasks that must be done, and what can you work on adding to the list later as you settle into the routine and think your child can handle a bit more.
2. Process feelings
It can be really easy to provide reassurance in a way that is meant to be helpful, but actually invalidates the kiddos feelings and ends the conversation. Last month's post went into a lot of detail about validating the feelings of anxious kiddos and you can check that out here.
Talk about what to expect with the transition back and anticipate what feelings they may experience. Are they excited? Nervous? Stressed? Exhausted? Validate that all of those feelings are normal.
Talking about what a child or adolescent is experiencing before school starts can also lead to some problem-solving opportunities.
One last thing on this one - don't promise that it will be a great school year. You don’t know that, unfortunately. What you do know is that you and your child will work through the bumps together.
3. Sleep
Oh sleep. I should keep track of how many kids and teenagers actually lie down on the couch in my office during the first week of school. It really is a drastic change for most students, and can take weeks to adjust. Sleep is necessary for things like learning and regulating emotions, and yet, students often do not get nearly enough. It's okay to expect more frustration, irritability or tearfulness during the adjustment. Practice easing into an earlier bedtime (and wake up time) in the weeks before school starts.
4- Worries
If your child has lots of worries about back to school, try to focus on what you know, and acknowledge what you don't know. With younger kids, walking them through what to expect during the first week, playing on the school playground, and answering their questions can be helpful. With older students, practicing the dreaded locker combination, walking their schedule if possible, and listening to their worries may help.
Get curious. If they are nervous about meeting their new teacher, you can get curious; I wonder if your new teacher also feels nervous about meeting you. I wonder what their favorite color is. I wonder if your teacher is a Bills fan.
It's also helpful to identify worries that we have control over and what we don’t. We often have to cope with worries we don’t have control over, but can problem solve worries we do have control over (e.g., “what if I can’t get my locker open” – we can practice your locker, and come up with a plan B if you can’t get it open).
The separation before school is actually really important, as is the reunion after school. For kids that are nervous about going into school, it’s really important that the goodbye is brief and lead by a confident parent. When a parent is also hesitant to say goodbye, it can inadvertently send a message that the parent also thinks school is unsafe. Kiddos look to parents and other adults to assess safety.
5- Fill up their bucket
School is hard. The transition to school is hard. Connection with parents surrounding a transition is an important piece of foundation. Filling up the bucket (referring to the idea that everyone has a bucket that can be filled up with emotional goodness) helps. A few ideas to consider:
Try not to bring up difficult conversations before school. Give kids something to look forward to during that first weekend of school. A note in the lunch box or special treat. A “you got this, can’t wait to hear about it” text during the day. Favorite after school snacks. Full attention during goodbye before school and hello after school. Giving them control over as much as possible (e.g., outfits, breakfast, etc).
Here’s to another school year - Cheers!
Kate
Comments